


Foreign Exchange Club-Episode 1: The New Challenger

by egyptian



Category: None - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-09 19:57:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19893490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/egyptian/pseuds/egyptian
Summary: A slice of life comedy, as viewed through the eyes of someone who doesn't like those sorts of shows.





	Foreign Exchange Club-Episode 1: The New Challenger

[Image of 747 landing at Narita airport. The images will click past like slideshow images.]  
Voiceover (Lynn):Hi, I'm Lynn and I'm going to be stuck living in Japan for a couple years while my dad's company sets up a new assembly line. For someone who lived the first sixteen years of her life in the US of A it's a lot to get used to.

[Image of Lynn standing on a street corner looking confused]  
Lynn: My kanji isn't good enough to read a lot of the street signs.

[Image of Lynn staring wide-eyed at a plate of sashimi]  
Lynn: My stomach is still adapting to the food.

[Lynn looking very crushed on a commuter train]  
Lynn: Apparently in Japan people get around the city using something called “public transportation”, which is similar to what we use in America to move homeless people from place to place.

[Lynn looking down at her school uniform]  
Lynn: I keep looking at this uniform and wondering why it didn't come with a wand and a broom.

[Lynn sitting on her bed and looking very uncomfortable in what looks to be a very overfull bedroom]  
Lynn: This is apparently normal.

[Lynn and several Japanese girls in samurai armour charging across a soccer field with shinai at what looks to be a lacrosse team]  
Lynn: And this one is probably going to take some explanation.

[Cue show opener. Various members of the Foreign Exchange Club doing a classic Busby Berkley style song and dance number]

[Overhead view of Seifun Maximum Security High School. It should be clear from the start that this is /not/ an attractive building. The school sign looks to be in poor repair and a couple of wild dogs are fighting over a bag of garbage on the school grounds.]

Teacher's voice: Class, today we have a new student joining us all the way from America.

[Inside shot of the classroom. The room is clean and orderly, students in their chairs looking bored but attentive. The teacher has written Lynn's name on the blackboard in chalk. Lynn is writing her name under the hiragana in Roman letters.]

Lynn: (nervous wave) Ah, hello. I..ah..(looks at notecard with phonetic Japanese written on it) am happy to be here and hope the presence of an essentially illiterate loudmouth with no idea of what passes for proper manners in your country won't be too much of a burden for you. (she starts to bow like a boy, the teacher corrects her and she bows correctly)

[Lynn sits at her desk in the middle of the room. She sighs and starts organizing school books.]

Lynn Voiceover: First day of school. Getting up in front of the firing squad turned out to be the easiest part of my day.  
[Montage of images. The shots cut back and forth between the blackboard, where increasingly complex concepts and formulae are written, and Lynn's face. This should be handled to be a clear parody of David Bowman's reaction to entering the Stargate at the end of 2001. At the end of the sequence she's all but a drooling wreck laying on the desk.]

[Cut to the school bell ringing and students getting up and leaving the classroom. Lynn shoves her books and weird crumpled papers haphazardly into her school bag without lifting her forehead from the desk. The teacher walks up to her desk and looks down at her sympathetically]

Teacher: Tough first day?

Lynn: You could say that. 

Teacher: Well it'll get better once you get used to the pace. I understand you had very high grades in America. Your Japanese is actually pretty good for a non-native.

Lynn: (sits up, has a big red spot on her forehead) Thank you. I took classes in the US, but it's not the same as talking to native speakers, and kanji is tough if you're not in the habit of using it all the time. It's ...just...a lot to take in all at once. I've only been in the country for four days.

Teacher: (looking shocked) Really? Then I'd say you're doing very well! Keep working hard, you'll be up to speed with the other students in no time.

[Lynn walking down the crowded hallway. She is approaching a bulletin board where a small crowd has gathered.]

Lynn Voiceover: The teacher's words of encouragement were nice, but it didn't change the fact that I only understood about half of what we went over today. I was feeling very alone and very very in over my head. Then I saw it.

[Camera cuts to the bulletin board where various school clubs are advertising. Slowly the camera zooms in on the only piece of paper written in English. Dramatic music plays in the background, rising in intensity as the voiceover continues.]

Lynn Voiceover: The letters flew to me on the wings of angels. English words! A foreign exchange club! Could it be? Were there others like me, that I somehow had missed in this sea of black hair and almond eyes? Kindred spirits who would understand my plight? It was loveliness awash in loveliness! I was cured all right!

[Lynn runs up a narrow staircase, holding a scrap of paper and her lumpy bookbag in the other. She looks at a door, opens it and peers in. Inside are a foursome of girls sitting around a low table drinking tea. A sign in kanji is hung on the door that reads 'Tea Ceremony Club']

Lynn: Excuse me, I'm very sorry but I'm looking for 31B.

First girl: (friendly) Oh no problem at all! That's right down...wait, (suspiciously) 31B?

Lynn:Yes!

Second Girl: (angrily) You have to go!

Lynn: (shocked and confused) What? What's the matter?

First Girl: We want nothing to do with those people! You have to go!

[The second girl slams the door shut. There's muffled shouting and carrying on from inside, but you can't make out what's being said.]

Lynn: Huh, must not like foreigners. Weird.

[Tracy continues to look around. As she walks down the hall you can hear raucous music getting louder and louder. Finally she finds the right door, 31B which has a small sign that reads 'PELIGRO!']

Tracy: (knocking once and opening the door a little) Hello, is this the...(jaw drops slightly)

[First shot of the club room. The girls have built a long makeshift table from what looks like scrap wood. They're playing texas hold'em. Crumpled bills, chips and a variety of snacks lay all over. Kiku is laying on a couch in the corner sound asleep. Maya and Nanae are in the corner playing a King of Fighters knockoff. All the girls stop what they're doing and look up when Lynn pokes her head in.]

Gin: Can we help you?

Lynn: I heard this was the room that the Foreign Exchange Club meets in. You had a sign on the bulletin board.

Gin: Oh that. We're required to put one up. The club is actually not accepting any new members.

Lynn: (looks around a little confused) You...don't seem to have any actual Foreign Exchange students here.

Gin: What? O-of course we do! Ming! (points at Ming, who has kicked her feet up and is reading a fashion mag) She's Chinese!

Ming: Sure.

Junko: (Walks by with a cardboard box) Now Gin, if we're going to be completely fair Ming is a Japanese citizen. She was born in Shinjuku! (offers a donut to Lynn) Care to have one? They're fresh!

Lynn: (taking donut) Thanks!

Gin: Junko you knothead! How dare you betray a fellow club member by giving an outsider...an American..such damaging information?

Junko: It's the truth!

Ming: Sure.

Kiku: (without looking up from the pillow) She's right you know.  
Gin: Traitors! (folds her arms and scowls) Well, we have plenty of other exchange students. The club is full. No vacancy. Now who's deal is it?

[The camera slowly zooms in on Lynn's eyes.]

Lynn voiceover: Now after the day I had had I was ready to just write it off, go home curl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep. However, something in that last rejection woke up the fightin' side of me.

[Lynn steps up to the table and scowls. Gin looks up at her suspiciously.]

Gin: Yes? Can I help you Ms. Non Club Member?

Lynn: I demand you give me the chance to join this club! 

[All of the girls stop what they're doing and look at Lynn and Gin]

Maya: (whispered to Nanae) Is she going to beat up Gin?

Nanae: Shh!

[They stare at each other for a few moments. Gin is the first to break eye contact]

Gin: (leans back in her chair and waves the challenge off flippantly) Well I suppose it couldn't hurt to let you apply. Our application standards are /very/ high. Hardly anyone can pass our.../test/

[Lynn twitches at the word 'test']

Gin: But since you've decided to be difficult I suppose we have no choice but to shame you and show you that you don't have what it takes to be one of us. Yayoi!

[Yayoi gets up, moving to stand between Gin and Lynn. Her hands are rested on her hips, a casual mocking smirk on her face]

Gin: First, you have to get past Yayoi! I warn you, she's a powerful enemy, not to be trifled with. Destroy her Yayoi! Break her! Ha ha ha!

[Lynn looks Yayoi over, taking note of her black track suit and laceless Adidas.]

Yayoi: Well?

[Lynn picks up a pencil from the table. She starts to tap out a rhythm on the tabletop. Yayoi watches her, then swallows when the rhythm starts. The camera cuts to the various girls around the room, all of whom are now watching pretty carefully]

Lynn: (singing “It's Tricky” by Run-DMC) This speech is my recital. I think it's very vital, to rock..

Yayoi: ...a rhyme..

Lynn: ...that's right..

Yayoi: ...on time..

Lynn: ...It's Tricky is the title, here we go!

[Lynn busts off The Robot, then passes it to Yayoi, who is compelled to dance. After a moment]

Gin: Enough! You've won! Release her!

[Lynn does a B-Boy pose, Yayoi slumps to her knees, defeated. The other girls in the club room applaud. Gin scowls at them and they stop]

Gin: This proves nothing! I'm still not convinced she's good enough.

Junko: Good enough? She's the Kwisatz Haderach! (image appears above Junko and Gin's heads of Tracy riding a sandworm)

Gin: It's still not enough! It's one thing to know the lyrics to some old song. We club members must not merely be knowledgeable, we must also be cunning. The mental elite!

[As Gin says this we can see Kiku in the background doodling in a coloring book.]

Lynn: The mental elite? Seriously?

Gin: Yes! Yayoi, you've failed me utterly. Redeem yourself by fetching...the chess board.

[Yayoi shrugs and takes the chess set off of a shelf that's clearly within arm's reach of Gin. She starts setting up the board while Gin carries on]

Gin: Ha ha! Now you're in the corner aren't you? All that pride is about to be washed away by my superior intellect. Do you know that losing at chess is like dying inside?! Do you?

[Cut ahead to Lynn sitting across from Gin, with the other girls circled around watching. Gin is in a position that should look hopeless to even the most unknowledgeable person]

Gin: I'm dying! How did this happen? Yayoi, did you set the pieces up right?

Lynn: I told you, I was a national junior chess champion with a 2200 rating. You...well I'm not convinced you've played this more than a couple times. You want to try again? I'll let you have an extra queen..

Gin: (slaps the chess board away) No! Nanae! Use that brute power and eject this newcomer!

[Nanae is now sitting across from Lynn, with Gin watching carefully. They armwrestle and Lynn quickly and surprisingly wins]

Nanae: I told you, I sprained my wrist.

Gin: Useless! Maya! Make her pay for her treachery!  
[Maya is sitting across from Lynn. Maya is holding a dice bowl and has her right sleeve rolled up to her shoulder. She rolls the dice and slams the cup down over them)

Lynn: Even!

[Maya lifts the cup, showing a pair of twos.]

Gin: Useless! Junko! Show your skills and eject this intruder!

[Junko is sitting across from Lynn. Both are smiling at each other]

Junko: I think it'll be a lot of fun having someone from America in the club!

Gin: Useless! Kiku!

[Kiku is sitting across from Lynn now]

Kiku: …

Lynn: …

[Kiku's head slaps down on the table. After half a beat she begins snoring]

Gin: Useless! Shizu!

[Shizu is sitting across from Lynn looking rather uncomfortable.]

Shizu: I...I'm not really good at anything.

Gin: Useless! Ming! You're our last line of defense! Expel the outsider.

[Ming looks over the top of her magazine and rolls her eyes]

Ming: Just let her in the club already. It's not even your place to tell people who can and can't be in the club.

Lynn: What? I thought she was in charge.

Ming: Oh no, she's just the loudest. Our club president is Kumiko, who isn't here right now. 

Lynn: Oh. Where is she?

[Cut to show the exterior of the faculty office. Yelling inside can be heard. Camera cuts to the inside of the office, where the student council, a number of teachers and the principal are all standing in a semicircle around Kumiko]

Principal: ...the most astounding, shocking and unforgivable list of crimes that has ever been attributed to a single organization...a CRIMINAL organization, let alone a high school club!

Kumiko: (standing in permanent bow) I admit that there may have been some bending of the rules by a few members of my club...

Principal: /Bending/ of the rules? They stole the sign from Sakai High School!

[Cut back to the club room. The makeshift table briefly flashes, then the shot cuts back to the office]

Kumiko: That /is/ an act that would require immediate and decisive action by the school disciplinary committee...if evidence of that were to surface. (she looks up a bit) It has not, has it?

Principal:...

Kumiko: Nor, if I may be so bold, do you have anything more than the hearsay evidence given by a number of students, all of whom are members of clubs with much smaller rooms than the one given to ours. Am I correct in this assumption as well?

Principal: Don't think you're going to worm your way out of trouble again Ms. Sasaki. This is the big one. Sakai has demanded that we punish the wrongdoers in a very public way, to prevent something like this happening again.

Kumiko: I'm willing to bet that they did not say anything about punishing those Sakai High students who dumped wet paper mache on several members of the Foreign Exchange Club, did they?

Principal: Don't think that wasn't mentioned. That's why we've come up with a solution that we feel is fair and sensible.

[Cuts to exterior of the school where a large and rather scary looking raffle wheel has been set up. The Foreign Exchange Club is standing in front of the wooden platform that holds the wheel, as well as a group of students in Sakai high uniforms]

Lynn: You know, I'm starting to think I'd just like to go home after all.

Gin: You're the one who wanted in. 

Principal: Alright everyone, listen carefully. Because of the ongoing...troubles between Seifun High School's Foreign Exchange Club and Sakai High's School Spirit Society we have after long deliberation determined a method to resolve this in a peaceful and constructive manner. The Wheel of Calamity!

[Both groups of students buzz a bit before the principal goes on]

Principal: The wheel will be spun each week to randomly determine a contest. A student or students from each club will be chosen to participate. The club that wins will be given one point. At the end of the semester points will be tallied. The winning club will receive this trophy (points at a four foot tall trophy on the stage) and will win the acclaim of their classmates for defending their school's honor. The losers will have their club permanently abolished and will be assigned to groundskeeping duties for the remainder of the semester, which will include cleaning the bathrooms and tarring the roof on the gymnasium. Any questions?

[All of the students appear to be in a state of shock]

Principal: Very good! Then I'm looking forward to seeing you all back here Monday afternoon for the first spin of the wheel! Have a nice day.

[Cuts back to the club room. Everyone is milling around looking nervous and frustrated]

Lynn: You /said/ I couldn't join! You forbade it!

Gin: I don't have the power to keep anyone out! Anyone who wants to join is automatically a member!

Lynn: But I'm too young to tar a roof!

Ming: Yeah, I'm not getting up there.

[The rest of the girls join in the chorus until Kumiko is forced to get out a bullhorn to drown them out]

Kumiko: Quiet!

Gin: How did..

Kumiko: (aiming the bullhorn at Gin) What?

Gin: Gah! Put that down!

Kumiko: Sorry.

Gin: How did this even happen? Didn't you even try to negotiate with them? You're supposed to be our smooth talking leader.

Kumiko: Gin, if your smooth talking leader hadn't gone to bat for you this club would be tarring every roof between here and Sapporo. Now let's calm down and get organized. Right now we're 0-0 with those Sakai jerks. Lynn, if you want to leave I'll talk to the Principal and make him understand that you weren't a member when our..disagreement with Sakai started, and that you're not a part of any of this.

[Lynn looks around at all of the others, looks down and then grins a bit]

Lynn: Nah, it's alright.

Kumiko: Okay, that's settled then. Gin, get the book.

[Gin takes a very heavy, very old book from the shelf and thumps it down on the table. Kumiko flips it open and writes Lynn's name down next to the names of several of the current members. She hands the pen to Lynn, who signs it]

Kumiko: Lynn, the Foreign Exchange Club accepts you as it's 67th member. May we reward all of your efforts as they deserve; loyalty with love, courage with honor and betrayal with vengeance. Sergeant at arms, a seven gun salute!

[Yayoi gives a signal and she and six other girls pull out party poppers, shooting streamers all over the place. Everyone goes back to where they were sitting without much regard for where the streamers land or who they are draped over]

Gin: Right, now we need to start planning. I think it might be possible to get someone close to the wheel. If we could weight it somehow we could influence the spins...

Lynn voiceover: So that was my day. Crushed at the train station, brain melted by a nonstop onslaught of information and now I've signed on to spend my afterschool hours with what appears to be the high school equivalent of a prison gang. 

[Lynn looks up as Junko offers her a can of soda with a smile. Lynn looks at the can, pops it open and takes a sip, then makes a terrible face]

Lynn: Gah! Too much ginger!

[End credit sequence, which features the girls cleaning up the stage that they performed on during the show opener]


End file.
